A few lines on a wedding that is close to my heart – Kavya & Gowtham’s

One of the predominant motifs that adorn the architecture of many Hindu temples is the marriage between the Gods. You will find them everywhere, on the walls, on the ceilings, in paintings and sculptures, and in the very stories that animate the temples. In some important places of worship around the Indian subcontinent, it is the divine consummation between Gods and Goddesses that is ritually sanctified, deeply revered, and celebrated on a daily basis. While other religions have meaningful symbolic rituals that legitimize the union of man and woman in the eyes of God, it is only in the Hindu tradition, that this very union is transmuted into a divine act, and the series of ceremonies that typically punctuate a typical Hindu wedding are intended to elevate the marriage of two people to a cosmic event, as a new link in the great chain of being.

There are two essential ideas in the Hindu Tradition that are of particular significance in the understanding of Hindu marriages: Purusha and Prakriti. Purusha is spirit and Prakriti is matter. A marriage is the union between Purusha and Prakriti. Prakriti brings in wealth, status, pleasure, and security, and demands continuity of life through the birthing of the next generation, Purusha, the Spirit, on the other hand, is the enlivening factor of the union that forces the couple to accommodate fresh ideas, relationships, process new emotions, make creative adjustments between one another and the world outside; in short, Purusha ensures the rhythms of social life are continuously nourished and rejuvenated. In a Hindu wedding, then, the boy and the girl through carefully choreographed rituals essentially reenact the primordial marriage between Prakriti and Purusha. Over the centuries, the traditional Hindu wedding ceremony has incorporated interesting ritualistic elements from the Harappan times to the Vedic times to the Greeks, Sakas, Kushan, Huns, Turks, Afghans, Persians, Arabs, and even Europeans for that matter. For instance, It is a known fact that the extensive use of The “sindoor” and “bangles” in weddings originated during the Harappan era while the “mangal sutra”, the trusted symbol of a married woman has its origin in the Dravidian ( Tamil) culture. The well-known “seven-step ritual” – which is the heart and essence of a Hindu wedding ( and not the tying of the mangal sutra as is commonly perceived) is based on the Rig Veda, but interestingly. back in the Vedic times, this practice of walking around the fire was widely used to solemnize all forms of agreement between people, not just that of a wedding union. The most hilarious and often dramatic ritual – the “Kashi-yatra” – could perhaps be a symbolic remnant of the fears that Brahmins had that their sons were attracted to the ideas of Buddhistic renunciation (there are other interpretations of Kasi Yatra as well) and therefore young men had to be cajoled and requested to come back ( this was during a time when Hindu rituals were becoming hierarchical, mechanical, and empty, and Adi Sankara was yet to resurrect Vedanta from the stranglehold of pedantry and habit. ). The “baraat” or “jaanavasam” as it is called in the south derives its meaning from the Puranic story of Shiva’s wild hordes accompanying the lord to Himavan’s house to fetch Uma, his divine wife. “Mehndi”, those intricate floral decorations in Henna that gracefully entwines a lady’s arms is definitely an eclectic mix of Muslim tradition with the Hindu “Maruthaani”. In modern times, the popular “sangeet ceremony”, a fun time for family and friends filled with sensuous songs celebrating love that was once practiced only in North Indian weddings, has now become standard fare around the world, including traditional South Indian Brahmin marriages. And finally, the exchange of engagement rings, which is a common practice these days, is a quintessential Christian idea, and so is the act of registering a marriage with local authorities – a tradition that stems from the Judeo-Christian tradition of seeking legal approval for a social commitment. Throughout these changes, the essential core of a Hindu wedding hasn’t changed. Customs and rituals may have adapted themselves to the changing times, but the basic principles behind a Hindu Brahmin still resonate with the timelessness enshrined in the Sanatana Dharma.

What a wonderful time we all had over the last few days at Kavya and Gowtham’s wedding! A beautiful blend of uncompromised tradition, loads of fun, the joy of reunion with family and friends, unending courses of delicious cuisines, and a deep sense of satisfaction that came from the fact that we did our best to ensure nobody who took time to attend the wedding were left uncared for. When I woke up today morning, there was a surreal feeling. Of course, I felt tremendously happy but it was quickly followed by the realization that from today a new reality has set in – the young couple have started a life of their own. Apart from being our son and daughter, the kids have acquired new roles as husband and wife as well. A new journey has begun, one they will chart out together, carrying with them as a torch what they have learned and acquired so far and imagining new possibilities for the future. I join everyone who attended the wedding, and those who couldn’t but blessed the couple from wherever they are, to wish Kavya and Gowtham the very best in their life. We are confident that both of them will bring out the best in each other.

Kala and Sekhar, Rama and Venkatesh, deserve a million applauses for orchestrating the wedding to near perfection. They left no stone unturned to make this happen. Neither money nor resources were spared to ensure that the kids got a wedding they could fondly cherish, and it is the unanimous verdict of those who attended the functions that this was one of the best weddings they have attended so far. Lata’s ( Kala’s sister) support presence before and throughout the events cannot be expressed in words. You can see the stamp of her meticulous planning in many of her activities and arrangements. The blessings of both grandmothers Ee ( AKA Radha paatti. Kavya, for some mysterious called my mom Ee Paatti) and Vims ( Vimala paatti) are invaluable, and so was the presence of so many elders from across families who took the trouble to travel to Kochi. We can’t thank them enough for their grace and kindness. Our special thanks to all cousins and families, both from India and abroad, who made time for this occasion. Without them, the event wouldn’t have had as much charm as it did.

Along with Emily Dickinson’s poems, I have Khalil Gibran’s “Prophet” by my bedside at my home in Atlanta. One of the finest poems on Marriage appears in the collection of poems. Prophet Almitra responds to a question from one of the city dwellers:” What is marriage?”. Here is the the response he gives in such beautiful phrases, which I dedicate to Gowtham and Kavya, and hope they can find this wisdom useful to them as they embark on their journey together.

Then Almitra spoke again and said, And
what of Marriage, master?
And he answered saying:
You were born together, and together you
shall be forevermore.
You shall be together when the white
wings of death scatter your days.
Ay, you shall be together even in the
silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance
between you.

Love one another, but make not a bond
of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between
the shores of your souls.
Fill each other’s cup but drink not from
one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat
not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous,
but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone
though they quiver with the same music.

Give your hearts, but not into each
other’s keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain
your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near
together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow
not in each other’s shadow.