( I wrote this short piece in 2019 when Kavya graduated from Manipal. I made a few revisions to it for this version, She is married now, our family has expanded, and this essay may find new readership. And for others, this could be a walk back along memory lane.)
In hindsight, it is difficult to narrow down that pivotal moment, when a young boy or a girl decides to pursue a dream. In the nebulous, fluid, and often influenced circumstances of childhood and youth, the seed that I want to be a doctor, an engineer, a pianist, a dancer, an architect, a writer, a teacher, or any other vocation — is lost in the palimpsest of memories. All that remains is just this vague, hazy, barely perceptible pull of destiny that beckoned, and in response to that pull, our entire journey shifted ever so slightly in a thousand ways to walk a specific path. The trouble is, not many get to walk the path they have unearthed to the end. Lack of courage, absence of steely determination, fragile commitment, or more often dysfunctional social and personal circumstances can change the course of one’s life very quickly. Compromises often set in, weaknesses are frequently rationalized, and the journey gets derailed before it even begins. The initial momentum gathered around our self-discovered goals sadly dissipates, leaving the journey itself meaningless or meandering in a wasteland.
At what point did Kavya decide to pursue Architecture? We knew for sure that she wasn’t interested in software or accounting or any of the usual pathways kids are led toward. She took her time to discover her passion. We would like to think that her interest in architecture must have dawned on her sometime during her early teens. For instance, as a young girl, we often applauded her for the good eye she had for shades of colors, shapes, and symmetry; her sense of direction was always sharp ( she was often the navigator when we drove around before the era of GPS which in my opinion is indicative of a mind that could hold effortlessly hold a complex visual outline in her head and remember it at will). However, we did not realize that these proclivities of her childhood were indicative of a mind that was visually creative and leaning towards design thinking. Her parents supported her decision( once Kavya made up her mind during high school) to formally study architecture. With the decision made, she channeled her energies into preparing herself for the path she would tread. At school, she carefully chose the subjects she had to focus on and do well, supplemented her studies with architecture-specific training, and spent many sleepless night studying hard to secure the right amount of marks in the all-important public exams. She did really well in the exams, and when the time was ripe for college admissions, she was ready, both intellectually and psychologically, for the four years at Manipal – or so she thought.
It was not easy when the moment arrived. In all these years, Kavya has never stayed away from home and always been pampered and cuddled by family, So, it was never easy for her to suddenly find herself in a hostel room, with only bare necessities in place, a forced routine to follow, and most uncomfortably – unpalatable food for which she had to walk nearly a mile in dangerous terrain. It is in times like these that the strength of one’s resolution, steadfastness, and commitment to the goal are tested. Kavya did well on all fronts. She braced herself well, found her bearings, and once the initial semesters slipped by eased herself into her surroundings, opened up to her new life, made good friends, earned the respect of her teachers, studied hard, and of course didn’t miss out on partying well within self-defined boundaries. When she came home for the holidays, we could see the transformation of this soft girl turning into a strong, decisive, and confident lady with all the indications of a dedicated and passionate architect in the making.
On the 16th of November 2019, Kavya received her degree as a qualified architect ( pic above). Gowned up, erect, with eyes gleaming with pride and accomplishment, our lovely girl collected the certificate that marked the consummation of all the years of hard work and study. This moment symbolizes the highs and lows of college life, its rude awakenings, the sweet memories of friendship, the words of inspiring mentors( and their chastisements too) the unbridled fun, frolic, and night-long conversations with close buddies on matters ranging from inane trivialities to cosmic importance, memories of eager expectations of holidays to run home into her Mother’s arms, memories of those moody phases that often foreshadowed the end of a vacation and the beginning of one more semester of deep study, it also marks her maturity from that of a student to a professional, visions of how the future would shape up – all of this and more are captured and frozen in this moment. There is never going to be one more such moment. More honors and more successes will come Kavya’s way. There is not an iota of doubt about that, but nothing will ever match the gravity of feeling and accomplishment that marks the end of one’s graduate education. It is the intellectual coming of age of an adult.
In the USA commencement addresses are very popular and are given by those who have found success and fulfillment in their lives. People from all walks of life who have chartered their own destinies are invited to share their thoughts with the outgoing class of students. Recently, I particularly enjoyed listening on YouTube to Joyce DiDonato, an accomplished American Opera singer, and Soprano, delivering her commencement address at the Juilliard School of Arts. Instead of speaking about goals, Joyce struck a different note, she spoke of the journey. She said: “One of the greatest gifts you can give yourself, right here, right now, in this single, solitary, monumental moment in your life, is to decide, without apology, to commit to the journey, and not to the outcome.” This is the right message for a modern generation of graduates. Goals should not take precedence over the means, and it is important to live each moment, commit wholeheartedly to the journey, and let the outcomes take care of themselves.
It is five years now since the day Kavya received her certificate. She works as an architect for a firm in Mumbai. What is good to see is the passion she carries to work each day and the resolve to do well. While the reality of working as an architect is quite different from the academic training at college, it is that impetus, the foundation that a formal college education gives that forms the basis for any future adjustments and progress. Kavya understands that and continues to learn each day – a wonderful attitude. It is still early days in her career, and we are confident that she will leave a mark someday. Our wishes are with her.